After moving to Dover, it quickly became apparent that I was much better off in the sewers of New York City. And I wasn't even living in the sewers in Delaware. I was renting what was considered a nice apartment there. It was just the worst though. All the people were always walking around with their dumb faces, saying dumb things. I once saw a guy vomit his food up just so he could eat it again. This wasn't fancy food either. He was at a Golden Corral. People in Delaware would rather eat vomit than get up to get another plate from the buffet! True story! Decent people don't do shit like that...or eat at Golden Corral.

    So anyway, I had to move again. Because I'm a stupid douche, I had to lay out another option. I figured Washington D.C. might be a good place for a turtle with a hard shell. But there's still Memphis where I don't have to worry about being food.

    - Move to Memphis!

    - Move to D.C.!