I watched my three brothers melt to death. It sounded painful. After that, I decided I'd had enough of the feces-filled sewers of New York City. Toxic waste is where I draw the line! So I decided it was time for a move. I wandered all around the sewers collecting discarded travel guides in order to be well informed in my decision regarding where I should move.

    Based on my extensive research, I was able to narrow it down to 2 prime locations. I had to go to a place that said it was turtle friendly, and most travel guides neglected to mention how I could expect to be treated. I came across a pamphlet from the tourism department of Delaware that had a smiling turtle on it, and a book about how people in Memphis just fucking hate eating turtles because they taste like shit.

    - Move to Memphis!

    - Move to Delaware!