I watched my three brothers melt to death. It sounded painful. After
that, I decided I'd had enough of the feces-filled sewers of New York
City. Toxic waste is where I draw the line! So I decided it was time
for a move. I wandered all around the sewers collecting discarded
travel guides in order to be well informed in my decision regarding
where I should move.
Based on my extensive
research, I was able to narrow it down to 2 prime locations. I had to
go to a place that said it was turtle friendly, and most travel guides
neglected to mention how I could expect to be treated. I came across a
pamphlet from the tourism department of Delaware that had a smiling
turtle on it, and a book about how people in Memphis just fucking hate
eating turtles because they taste like shit.
- Move to Memphis!
- Move to Delaware!