I can throw fireballs now! Seriously. Fucking fireballs. I can kill anything that gets in my way. This turtleduck thing with wings was like, "wah wah wah, I don't work for Bowser. I'm just trying to find food to feed my kids" and I was like, *pluck pluck pluck* and one of the 3 fireballs I threw hit him and killed him. This is awesome. Why didn't anyone ever tell me about this?

So I use my newfound superpower to do everything. For now, that just means I roam the countryside killing animals with fire. It's pretty sweet. I'll get to the princess one day. She's fine for now though.

The End?